A Grown Man’s Guide to a Grown Woman’s Body

You’re both…maturing. And that means your bodies are changing. Here’s what you need to know to keep her—and you—satisfied.

Many couples find that the onset of menopause throws their sex lives into disarray, often in ways they never recover from.

Menopause starts to happen between the ages of 45 and 50, roughly, and it generally lasts anywhere from two to four years. During this time, hormone combinations in the body change—estrogen goes down, and testosterone levels go up, and changes can come hard and fast.

But if you understand how menopause impacts your partner, you can help hold on to the great sex you once enjoyed—and even make it better. Here’s what I tell my patients and their partners about sex.

Menopause Starts in the Brain. Your partner’s perception of herself may change: “My hair’s going gray, my skin is starting to wrinkle—am I still sexy?” This is a huge shock to the system, and it makes her very vulnerable. Tell her she’s beautiful, compliment the way her body is changing. Openly appreciate older women in the public eye. (Do not go too deep into your Jamie Lee Curtis fetish.).

It’s Not About You. Estrogen is the primary hormone that keeps the vagina moist and supple. As her hormones change, her nether regions can turn both drier and thinner. This means that intercourse can become more difficult and even painful. This change is no reflection on how she feels about you, or whether you still look good in cargo shorts. (You never did.)

Superman PJs Don’t Help. I get a lot of patients who come in and say, “I have pain during intercourse, I need something to help me have sex.” I'll examine them and yeah they're dry, and I can see there's an issue. But I’ll ask, “Do you sleep in the same bed?” Yeah. “Are you naked?” We both wear pajamas. “Does he hug you, hold you, kiss you, do you touch each other's genitals?” No we don't do that. I don't like my husband to see me naked. Bottom line: You don't have an intimate relationship. More consistent skin-on-skin is key.

Do the Dishes, Do the Nasty. Helping out with her chores and being thoughtful is the first step to intimacy. The second is looking at her in a way that maybe you haven't looked at her in a while: “You're beautiful. I love the way you look.” Those small statements of affirmation really make a big difference.

Her Orgasm Is Now Your Priority. A lot of women go through their 20s and 30s seldom if ever experiencing an orgasm with their partner. They’re ok with it because they can have intercourse easily, and they're motivated because they want to have a family. Then they hit their 50s and it’s like, “Ohh, I'm not having orgasms, and I don't really enjoy sex that much.” So keep these three words in mind: She comes first, whether that’s manual stimulation, or oral, or using a vibrator. Older women can be wet and moist and can have great sex, but their partner has to help them get there.